The Trinity of marriage

The passage in Proverbs that a 'cord of 3 strands in not easily broken' is often quoted in marriage ceremonies, and the 3 cords are typically thought of as referring to the husband, wife, and the Holy Spirit. I think that is correct and an important concept in how marriage is holy to God and depends on God for sustenance. However, there is another type of 'trinity' I have in mind for this discussion as well.

Think of a marriage as supported by a 3-legged stool, to use a common illustration. Those 3 legs are the relationship of the 2 people, the office of marriage, and the truth of our nature. Relationship, Office, and Truth (or Nature). In writing from his jail cell during World War 2 to counsel a couple preparing for marriage, Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, ' Up till now it has been your love that has protected your marriage plans; from now on it is also your marriage that protects your love.' This has to do with the office, the status of marriage. While love leads you to marriage, every love relationship waxes and wanes and will face some hard times. During those times the vows you make, the commitments, the responsibilities you take on, the children that are born all constitute the office of marriage and those things protect your love relationship during the hard times. Marriage is a relationship, but it is not just a relationship. As C.S.Lewis has written in The Four Loves, we all know that we must do the works of Eros (Lewis refers to being 'in love' as Eros after an ancient usage; he is not referring to the common contemporary use of the word 'erotic' in any way) even when Eros is not present; that is because of the commitments we make, the promises we need to keep, the office we need to uphold. As Lewis also points out, Eros makes promises that she cannot keep so we need the office to help us keep them.

There is also the matter of Truth and Nature. Man and woman are clearly designed for each other, for propagation as well as for mutual support. This is simply who we are, how we are made, and that is a foundation for marriage. All Truth is God's Truth, and this is one part of it. Simply put, we need each other as men and women.

Now, marriage cannot be what it should be with any of the 3 legs missing on the stool. Our contemporary culture, however, focuses only on the relationship part. However, if 2 people claim to be in love but refuse to marry, what conclusion do most people immediately reach about their commitment? It doesn't exist. The 'office' portion is missing. Similarly, if 2 of the same sex want to indulge in homosexual union, the Truth of our nature is missing. Gay 'marriage' denies the truth of who we are, and living together unmarried denies the need for commitments to be able to raise healthy children and reliable citizens. Marriage cannot be what it needs to be without understanding all 3 elements of the marriage union. We as Christians have contributed to the confusion about this by focusing our own marriage teaching and ceremonies too much on the relationship by itself.

The same is true of the church. Christianity is indeed a relationship, but like marriage it is not just a relationship. Just as the marriage protects the love of the bride and groom, the church protects the relationship with God. Especially when times get tough. It is no mistake that the church is 'the bride of Christ'. There is the personal relationship with Christ that must be a personal commitment, there is the office of church membership, and there is the truth of what Christ has done for us to make salvation possible. As with marriage, by focusing on just some of the 3 the church contributes to confusion. The sacramental churches focus on the office and the truth and pretty much ignore the relationship; the evangelical churches focus on the relationship and the truth and pretty much ignore the office.

We as believers have contributed to the cultural confusion on both marriage and Christianity by not keeping the stool firmly planted on all 3 legs.